Can't obtain junk in the state of.
It's unfortunate, I lack the ability to obtain a single useless matter whilst residing within the great state of. No garbage to be found here, unfortunately.
Regrettably, I can't obtain even a speck of rubbish within the state of. No waste to be found around here, unfortunately. Unable to obtain junk within Ohio.
Unfortunately, I can't possess the aptitude to acquire a single nonsense while residing in the Buckeye State. There is no crap available in this region, unfortunately. I am lacking any excrement within OH.
Alas, it is beyond my control to obtain any waste while residing in Ohio. No garbage to be found around here, unfortunately. I am unable to have any shit in the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh no, regrettably I am restricted to obtain a single waste whilst living inside the state of Ohio. No waste for me, sadly. I don't have even a trace of dung in Ohio.
Oh, what a pity it is that I don't have the ability to obtain even a single feces during residing within the state of Ohio. No crap to be found in this area, sadly. I am unable to have the tiniest amount of waste in the great state of Ohio.
Oh, what a shame it is that I am incapable to possess the slightest bit of junk while living inside Ohio. No garbage in my possession, alas. I don't have even a trace of material within the great state of Ohio.